September, the month of my due date. Oh how happy I was to see September. Don’t get me wrong, I had a wonderful, easy pregnancy and for that I’m truly thankful but any momma can relate that at the end of your pregnancy, you’re just done. Done getting up to use the bathroom multiple times a night, done having little feet jab your ribs, done feeling like you could exhale and flames would come out of your mouth due to the heartburn.
My due date came, and it went. And as fast as September came, September went. When you go 9 months thinking you’re going to have a September baby and then the month of October approaches, you get a little impatient. At my weekly doctor appointments, the doctor told me that there was no progress yet and that baby was comfy in there. At our 39 week doctor appointment, the doctor scheduled an induction. I was panicked…as the last thing I wanted was to be induced. Christian reassured me that everything would be okay. However, I wasn’t convinced. I had only heard negative stories about being induced from the people I knew…prolonged labors, that typically resulted in a csection. To me, induction didn’t seem natural…it seemed like it was forcing the woman’s body to begin something it wasn’t ready to do. It seemed like it was forcing the baby to come out when he or she wasn’t ready. I had a lot of faith that my baby and my body would go into labor naturally…that my baby and my body would just “know” when it was time, and when that wasn’t happening for me and indication began to be talked about, I was really unhappy.
I began doing everything I could to go into labor…walking a ton, eating pineapple, eating spicy foods, bouncing on a ball, etc. and nothing. It was difficult to come to terms with but finally I said to myself, “this baby is going to come when this baby wants to come…nothing you do is going to change that”. Well, baby didn’t come….& my induction date was approaching.
So on October 1st, my fiancé and I made sure we had everything packed in our hospital bags, that the car seat base was installed correctly and the car seat was in the car. With our nerves running high, we walked into that hospital knowing that the next time we left we would be parents.
Around 8 pm, they started the induction process. I was given the induction medication cervidil, which is a medication that dilates your cervix. Around 10 pm, the two women in the rooms next to me were giving birth and screaming and crying and shouting “I can’t do this!” Here I am…laying in the bed getting induced, listening to these two women cry out in such agony. Tears filled my eyes and I grabbed Christian’s hand and squeezed tight. “You’re going to do great”, he said. “I’ll be right by your side through the whole thing.” Little did I know not even 24 hours later I’d be holding our sweet baby in my arms after shouting the very same thing.
I tried to get as much sleep as I could, which was difficult given the circumstances. 12 hours later I was checked and told that no progress was made. I was frustrated, ready to come to terms with the fact that it would be a long, long process. Then my water broke, on it’s own. Now in the movies it’s always a gush of fluid, a very monumental moment…but for me it was just a trickle, in fact I thought I was just peeing (there’s so much pressure down there towards the end who knows what goes on). I rang the bell and the nurse came in and said, “nope, that’s actually your amniotic fluid!” Suddenly, things became real.
Around 11:30, I began to have slight contractions. I had every intention of being active during most of my labor. I wanted to walk the halls, I wanted to spend time in the tub, I wanted to bounce on the ball. I only bounced on the ball and walked the halls for about an hour or two. I was in the zone while bouncing on the ball…I listed to Dave Matthews Band and envisioned my baby settling down into the birth canal, getting ready to make its entrance into the world. The pain was there, but bearable. I spent some of my time standing with my arms around Christians neck, swaying or slow dancing. This also helped. All was well until about 2:30 when the pain became intense.
Now, I never ruled out having an epidural but I never said “yes, without a doubt I am having one”. I wanted to feel it out and I wanted to see what my body could do without the help of medicine. However, I made it clear to my labor and delivery team to not let me get to that point where I was too late to get one. I told them to tell me when the last possible chance was to get an epidural, and then I would make my decision. The decision was made for me when it was far too painful for them to even check how dilated I was. This decision was of course okayed by me because at this point my contractions were so intense and I was looking for any relief from the pain.
Let me just state, that I believe every mom is a superhero…no matter HOW you give birth to your baby. You still gave birth, you still gave this child life, and your body is still amazing and incredible. Epidural or no epidural, you are a powerhouse. Moms that have had a csection, you had your body cut open for God’s sake and your organs shifted around to get your baby out into the world safely. Again, all mothers are superhero’s no matter how you give birth to your baby.
I feel as if some moms receive a lot of guilt and grief when they share with others that they used modern medicine to help them through the process. I received an epidural because it was what I needed to do for the betterment of my baby and for myself. Once I had the epidural, I got solid rest. And that solid rest was what I needed to push my baby out. To me, the epidural was a godsend. I believe in my laboring stupor I told the anesthesiologist that if I could kiss him I would. I also thanked him the next day when he came in to check on me because he truly was the calm I needed in that storm. My anesthesiologist even had a soft, calming voice. Truly, he was great!
I was in active labor for about 6 hours and pushed for an hour. At 6:35pm, my sweet baby girl was placed on my chest and I heard the sweet words “it’s a girl!” I waited my whole life to be a mom, and then the moment was here. This is the moment I dreamt of my whole life – meeting my baby for the very first time. I remember sobbing, saying “hi my sweet girl” & telling her that I loved her so much. I looked at Christian and told him repeatedly how much I loved him. WE created this miracle, it’s something I’m truly still not over. It’s such an amazing thing. So….October 2, 2017 at 6:35pm was the moment my life changed, 110% for the better 💕
This is before we left the house to go to the hospital. It was so crazy to leave knowing the next time that we would be back home we would be a family of three!
Carrying our hospital bags in! Ps. How handsome is my man? 🙂 This is right after we got checked in and situated. Look at my big belly!
She was finally here! 6 pounds 9 ounces of pure perfection!
She was more perfect than I could have ever imagined!
I was exhausted – but SO happy and SO in love!
She was so beautiful. I remember just looking at her in awe that she was mine!